As I sit here at my cubicle where I work,…. listening to a fellow worker on the other side of this paper thin “pod” wall trying to blow his nose and clear his throat for the last hour,…I have come to the strange realization about something.
This fellow employee will NEVER get whatever it is that is lodged in his throat and nose cleared from the passage ways. You see,…what my poor old fellow workmate suffers from is purely habitual. He struggles to clear his throat and nose EVERY day he is in the office. This has continued for over a year now since I was sentenced moved to this part of the office building.
I must listen to this EVERY day that I too am in the office. Many of us who sit beside him have agreed that if we ever hear that one burst of clearing where he reaches the top of the mountain and actually frees his passage ways from whatever it is that has been plaguing him since birth,…we will hold a huge celebration!!!!! Somehow we know that the day his throat and nose are free from blockage will never come.
What does this have to do with anything that I’m doing creatively? If I ever can free myself from the self doubt, lack of confidence and creative blockades that have plagued me since my childhood,….I will maybe finally produce art that I like enough to want to share! There will be a real celebration too!!!! I’m beginning to wonder if my hatred for my own work is real or habitual? It sure feels real! I mean, I draw a cartoon,…I put it away for a few days,…look back at it and HATE it!!!! I wonder if I’ll ever like anything I do…
Until then,…….
Uhummmm…excuse me…I had something stuck in my throat.
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Just messing around………I may never use him,..but I kinda had fun designing him.
Well, after many months of rewrites and edits, I have now let another trusted reviewer read my “I Talk to Togo” book. The stress that accompanies this review process is quite difficult for me to stomach, but after hearing back from them,….the trade off was well worth it. The positive feedback has been wonderful and has provided me with a huge sigh of relief during this difficult process.
I will be sitting down during the 3rd week of June to do one last edit of the book before sending it off to a few publishers and agents in July. The stress that I have begun to feel during these last few months will undoubtedly pale in comparison to what awaits me with the publishers. At this point,….I don’t care. Bring it on. I’m ready!